Helping a partner deal with their anxiety can be tough. Here is some expert advice that might help you support your partner.
When your partner, a family member or friend is distressed, you have probably wondered about different ways to make them feel better. From offering chocolates to letting them vent out and giving them space, you may have thought of all. No doubt relationships are a huge responsibility. Be it good times or worst situations, standing by the other person is what a good partner does. Being stressed can turn everyday pain or irritation into full-blown arguments with your partner. But always remember, words play a powerful role in shaping people’s emotions. Seeing your partner distressed is quite disturbing, and what’s more annoying is to not be able to comfort your beloved. But fear not, we have got you covered.
Relationship Expert Julie Menanno, in a recent Instagram post, shared a few tips to help soothe your partner when they are distressed.
Read the post below:
Practical Ways To Support A Distressed Partner
Helping a partner deal with their anxiety can be tough. Here is some expert advice that might help you support your partner:
Co-Regulate yourself
First and foremost, when your partner is emotionally distressed, the most important thing that one can do is to self-regulate. Find a place of calm within yourself by indulging in breathing exercises like inhaling and exhaling (e.g., inhale for 4 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds) in through your nose and out through your mouth. By exhaling or a prolonged period of time, we are signaling safety to our body.
Touch To Make Your Partner Feel Safe
Touch is the primary way people communicate in relationships. A touch can have a huge impact on your partner during the time of distress. When you touch or hold your partner in this ‘even’ state, your energy will transfer into them, giving them the message of ‘safe environment’. It will not calm your partner completely but the calming process will definitely start. Exceptionally, there are cases where people don’t want to get touched but it’s absolutely okay, there are other ways too that will help you soothe your partner.
Provide Space For Your Partner’s Feelings
Every feeling needs to be managed, be it physical pain or mental pain. Rather than chasing them away, try to manage them, try to make space for your partner’s feelings. For example, if your partner has a broken leg, you won’t try to soothe the pain with your words. Isn’t it? Instead, you will sensibly accept the situation. Similarly, imagine the emotional pain of your partner. You can support them but not force it away.
Do ask ‘How can you help’
One of the most powerful ways to soothe your partner’s feelings is to communicate. Many times, we anticipate that we know what our partners want when they are emotionally distressed. But honestly, it is equally important to have a Plan B and ask them ‘How can I help’. Every individual wants different types of help and has different feelings when they are distressed. There are times when your partner wants to be heard and validated, sometimes they want to cuddle. So, better ask them and help accordingly.
Validation Is Must
Validation is a must when you find your partner distressed. Simply acknowledging what your partner is experiencing helps them feel understood and supported. Emotionally validating someone’s experience rather than judgment, also helps them to manage anxiety. There is no need to agree with their perception of the situation, rather it’s important to connect with them. The more authentic you are, the better they will feel. Even if you don’t feel authentic, try it anyway. You will become comfortable as time passes and you feel the change. Efforts matter a lot, more than the words. It might be more helpful to you than what you have been doing till now.
Avoid ‘Shame Spiraling’
A situation might arise when the other person can experience shame while a partner is upset. One of the reasons is that they might start feeling that they don’t deserve to be supportive. Another reason that might hit the partner is a feeling of failure, they don’t believe that they know the right way to show up for their partner at this moment. Shame spiral can make the situation worse as it shifts the focus from distressed partners, that will ultimately leave your partner alone with their feelings.
Remember, it’s not the right time to process your feelings. Your feelings too matter but first focus on soothing your partner, you will later get the space to process your feelings. So, avoid shame spiraling and be supportive.
Don’t Use The Time To Problem Solve
Always try to support your partner first rather than trying to fix the problem. Your priority should always be to help soothe your partner, there will be a time when you can find the problem’s solution.
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