Who needs Barbie when we’ve got Cindy? In a summer of blockbuster blondes, villainess Cindy Beale made her Albert Square comeback after 25 years away. EastEnders (BBC One) was a camp, compelling Bank Holiday treat. Cue fireworks, face-slaps and a shot in the arm for the flagging soap.
The peroxide piranha, played by Michelle Collins, was presumed long dead but her shock resurrection has been building since June. In a melodramatic reveal two months ago, viewers realised with a gasp that serial home-wrecker Cindy was alive, well and living in France. She was killed off-screen in 1998 but had actually entered the witness protection programme (bear with us here) and assumed a fake identity. As Rose Sawyer, she’d married Marbella bar owner George Knight (Colin Salmon) and had two daughters, before walking out on her new family too.
Thursday’s climax came when her ex-husband Ian (Adam Woodyatt) discovered that scheming Cindy was on her way back to Walford. “You’ve got to stop her!” he squealed. “Don’t let her set foot in the Square!” Too late. Cut to Cindy sashaying through London’s Eurostar terminal.
Cindy gave her ex-mother-in-law and nemesis (Gillian Taylforth) the fright of her life by arriving in her kitchen with a breathy “Hello Kathy”. Understandably, Kathy – who was chopping chorizo at the time (don’t ask) – did a double take and replied: “Cindy? But you’re dead. You died.” There followed a 15-minute showdown scene that recalled the two-handers from EastEnders’ heyday, as the two matriarchs with matching hairdos tore strips off each other. There was even a mention of Pauline Fowler, just to hammer home the point.
Choice lines included “Dead or alive, you ain’t welcome here”, “You always were a money-grabbing little tart”, “Ooh whoopsie, look at that, my knickers are on the floor” and “You evil, scheming, manipulative b—h”. Family reunions, eh? In true Dynasty style, it ended with them exchanging blows.
Across the Square, unsuspecting residents prepared to throw a surprise 21st birthday for Cindy’s long-lost daughter Anna (Molly Rainford), who hadn’t seen her mother for nine years. There were several near-misses, as the pair passed like brassy ships in the night.
Instead the bombshell moment went to George, presumably because Salmon has the acting chops. He stepped out of the Queen Vic pub for some fresh air and locked eyes with his estranged wife. Having been roped in to help with the party catering (admittedly not the most plausible plot device), Cindy dropped two trays of canapés with a cymbal-like crash. Roll credits. And potentially another heart attack for poor Ian.
It’s been a rocky old time for EastEnders, with rumours of its demise and overnight terrestrial ratings falling; juicy storylines like Cindy’s comeback are surely all it needs to build buzz once again.